Here's to Boners!

Hello,

I am back home after having brain surgery.  I thought I would share the experience and give you a little heads up on certain things.  You might benefit from this knowledge one day.  Surgery started 9 months ago with a "few" tests, just to go over things the previous hospital may have missed.  That led to last friday where I was laying naked on a table with a mask over my face, hoping I wouldn't fart in the operating room, hearing some guy saying that he was going to start now...

...and... there was no "AND"... I'm talking INSTANTLY, like being teleported on a Star Trek "beam-me-aboard-Scotty" machine, I find myself in another room, sitting up on a bed, with a crowd of people shaking me and telling me what a great success it was.  The last time something like this happened to me I was attacked by a secret society (who shall remain nameless) in Savannah, Georgia with what I believe was burundanga, a date rape drug. 

6.5 hours of my life GONE in the blink of an eye, and I must say, I hope I never recover those missing moments! 

Whoever said a hospital is for resting is a damn fool!  For the next 24 hours I am told to "relax" as nurses and doctors prod and poke me about three times per hour, taking blood, fixing things, delivering shots, medicines, etc.  No sleep at all and everytime I get good and rested the alarms for heart and breathing go off or so says the nurse who tells me to keep breathing.

The second night went better but guys, and I mean guys only, fellas..., we need to talk about the catheter.  It's a little thing I discovered after surgery, a sort of tube that is affixed to your penis so you don't have to get out of bed to pee.  Amazing!  How'd that get there?  What an amazing invention!  That is, until you finally drift off to sleep and begin dreaming of sex with all the hottie nurses and suddenly you wake NEAR SCREAMING from what feels like a knife cutting your scarified weiner to pieces!  Get this straight, burn it into your memory, ink it out into a tattoo, catheters and boners do NOT mix!  You have been warned!

The next delight was removing the cathetar.  I thought that was bad only because I had yet to have my nasal packing removed.  A little German doctor came in and explained to me that he was going to remove something from my nose, a big foam pad.  With a smile he added that the foam was much too big for the surrounding tissues.  His smile got bigger as he waited for recognition to flood my face and nodded as he slowly pulled a TOTAL RECALL on me.  I am not going to lie to you, I cried like a baby and even yelled out a "god" I don't even believe in!  With what looked like total sadistic glee he told me that tomorrow we get the other one.  They want to provide a bit of support to the other passageway, which was the one used to remove the brain tumor. 

I do not know how much of the tumor was removed, only that all the doctors seemed very well pleased.  I will get all the details in the upcoming days and weeks as I complete my follow up appointments.  And final word, is thank you to my brother Mike, my cousin Regina, my mom, and Aunt's Elsie and Lucy who came up from Dallas to surprise me.  I am going to get off the computers soon because the drugs are starting to sink in and I am going to sleep and dream and hopefully have a couple of good ole' fashioned boners.  Good night to all!

Comments

[Alecia E.]

*Laughin* out loud. You gotta have SOME thing funny to say about such a serious subject, huh? Seriously, the whole thing is a trip, isn't it? One moment you're awake - the next moment you're awake with your head bored into and missing 6 hours of time. (???)

Glad to hear that you're out and recovering alright. I know how painful that packing is - not because I experienced it first hand, but because I used to work in an ENT office. Grown men would pass out when the packing was removed...fortunately my neurosurgeon didn't pack my nose post surgery. Hope the painful part is over with and that you get some good news from your doctors.

[Trys]

Ken,

Wow - that sounded brilliant! Thanks for the tip about the catheter - I've etched it into my memory, no doubt I'll thank you one for that.

Glad to read that you've had your operation at last. It must be a great relief. I've just been diagnosed with acromegaly, so it's good to read about you.

Keep it up!
Trys
PS I almost bought "Coffee Cup", but I'll wait until I've had a few drinks I think. :)

[Ken D. Webber]

Thank you both for your comments. I can't believe you skated out of the packing pain Alecia, that is amazing! That was so painful I almost began going into shock, started shaking and shivering simply from the pain. I am now at home and resting. The drugs they gave me are great. I'm experiencing some hallucinations at times and some voices in my head and my sleep is very uneven, not from the drugs but I think it is from the dying of whatever network the tumor was a part of or maybe pressure changes in the brain. Happy holidays to all! Much to be thankful for this year for certain.

[Trys]

Hey Ken,

I had to laugh again today about your catheter/boner thing today. My Dad is being admitted into hospital just before Christmas and I said to my wife that perhaps the nurses will be dressed up in little Santa outfits (nice!). That would keep my Dad entertained. I then remembered your catheter/boner thing again!

Keep smiling, because you make the rest of us smile,
Trys

[polarchip]

Ken!

I'm so glad your surgery went well! Such a relief that there were no complications.

Being in the hospital sucks, but I think you will be amazed how quickly your body recovers.

Take care and please keep posting updates!

-Ellen

[Plague of Smiles]

Sure thing Ellen, I have an appointment tomorrow with my regular endocrinologist and we are going to be discussing headaches, dehydration, and other associated things dealing with the complications of diabetes insipidus, which I seem to be developing. I was fine in the hospital and then two weeks later the peeing began. I'm hoping it's a temporary thing and that the pituitary gland comes back online, especially where testosterone and ADH is concerned. I'll post again probably tomorrow if I get the time.

[Boris Epstein]

Ken,

I am very happy to hear all that... Of course, you still have lots of pain to face but that's not significant - I am sure you can handle it. What is significant is that if the surgery was a success - which it sounds like it was - you are getting a new shot at life.

I feel guilty I didn't check up on you earlier - had somewhat of an excuse in the form of peritonitis but that ain't nothing next to what you've been through. Get all the rest you need now, and keep us posted!

[Jenny]

I'm so happy things went well Ken. And LOL. I totally think of my tumor removal in the 'Total Recall' scenario :-D And before I was diagnosed (just having headaches) I was saying "It's not a tumor" like he did in 'Kindergarten Cop' about his headaches. Joke was on me!

[Ann]

Ran across this by accident. From a nurse's perspective, we don't like having to do things to our patients that cause them pain. At least I don't. I had to remove a nasostat from a patient's nose [which is a torture device meant to stop bleeding and consists of balloons that are crammed into the sinus passages], both nares, and she screamed and clutched at me, and I almost passed out. It bothered me so much that she was in such pain. Went and got more morphine which didn't work, but I finally got it out of her. She was practically in shock, and I was drenched with sweat and feeling like a warm wave of death was descending to my feet. Glad my boss came in and pulled me outta there otherwise I would have fallen to the ground.

Just so ya know, we don't like doing these things.

Glad you are ok.

[Ken D. Webber]

Never in a million years would I want your job! Cramming, pulling, wiping, forget it. My big operation was months ago and let us hope I never need another one:)